Listen Up! Some Thoughts on Audio Books

 

I just recently discovered audio books.

Until now, my only experience with them had been in the classroom when I let the CD (or tapes back in the day) read to my students when I either had a sub or a sore throat. I’d never considered them for myself because A) I’m a paper book, feel the pages beneath my fingers, underline a sentence kind of girl and B) I’m easily distracted when it come to auditory things. I’ve tried listening to podcasts at home, and it goes something like this:

Hmm, this is really interesting… Ooo, look at that funny picture of a cat… Hey good for me, I cleaned out my whole closet! Um, what is that voice coming from my computer? Oh yeah…

Then, a few months ago, I went to the library to check out Pat Barker’s Regeneration for one of my book clubs, and the print copy was in use, but the audio copy was available, so I thought, what the heck. I put the first disc into my car’s CD player and hit play. Since then, I have listened to five audio books, pretty much back-to-back. I’m going to the library tomorrow to get another one.

What’s so great about audio books?

For me, the best thing about audio books is how much they improve every commute, errand, and solo road trip. Although I have trouble paying attention to stories when I’m at home in a room full of distractions, in the car my hands and eyes are occupied. Forced to be still, I can listen. And once I start listening, I really enjoy it.

Now, I look forward to getting in the car. I talk on the phone while driving much less than I used to. And I can easily balance two books at a time because they don’t overlap. One is for home, the other is for driving—there is never a choice to make about which one to read.

Have you heard anything good lately?

Of course, there are drawbacks. One is simply how to talk about them. I tell people that I “read” Truth and Beauty by Ann Patchett, though it feels a little counterfeit to use that verb. Then again, saying I heard  it or listened to it doesn’t feel quite right either. It gives me the same sensation as hearing someone say they’re going out to see some music or watch a speech.

"Listen... do you smell something?"
“Listen… do you smell something?”

Another problem is not all audio books are not created equal.

For instance, Ann Patchett read Truth and Beauty herself, and it was wonderful. It was nice hearing a memoir in the author’s own voice. The rest of the novels were performed by other people. Jeff Woodman, who read John Green’s Looking For Alaska did an amazing job. Regeneration and The Eye in the Door, both by Pat Barker, were read by Peter Firth, and while he had a great voice, he often emphasized different words in the dialogue than I would have, causing me to have to hear the book twice, as if I were translating it in my head. (When we discussed those novels in my book club, I found that I had a completely different impression of some of the characters than the readers of the print version did.)

That’s not my complaint though. Obviously there is going to be some subjectivity in any reading. What bothered me was the variety of ways in which the CDs were produced.

In Regeneration, every track is roughly three minutes long;, resulting in 16-20 tracks per CD. In Truth and Beauty, there are only four to five long tracks per CD, which makes rewinding difficult. In Looking for Alaska, there are ninety-nine tracks per CD, which is kind of overkill. In Regeneration, the first and last track on each CD is an informative “This ends disc four” type of thing. But Patchett’s Truth and Beauty and Hillary Jordan’s When She Woke do not have those informative tracks. The CD simply starts over at the beginning, which can be very confusing. I’d be driving along thinking, Wait, they’re back in Scotland again? and then realize I was listening to a chapter I’d already heard. Looking for Alaska’s method of dealing with the CD switch is even more bizarre. This weird elevator music starts playing for the last thirty seconds of the CD, and it plays over the words. There are some pretty intense scenes in Looking For Alaska, and some of them do NOT lend themselves to upbeat background music.

I sat in my driveway for fifteen minutes with the car running to hear the end of Looking for Alaska.
I sat in my driveway for fifteen minutes with the car running to hear the end of Looking for Alaska.

So, having become a recent self-proclaimed authority on the subject, I have some advice for audio book producers.

5 Tips for Not Annoying Your Reader/Listener:

  1. Keep tracks to three minutes or less. It makes it much easier for us to get back on track (no pun intended) when we accidentally zone out.
  2. Include a conclusion track at the end of each CD, politely telling us to change the disc.
  3. When a new disc begins, repeat the last sentence or two of the previous disc to help us ease back into the moment.
  4. Ask all performers to read the books exactly the way I would read them. I’m sure that won’t be a problem. They can call me for advice if they need to.
  5. Go ahead and give James Earl Jones, Susan Sarandon, Scarlett Johansson, and Zach Braff a heads up that I’ll be needing their services when I finish my novels because I’m pretty sure no one wants to hear my voice for eight hours.

Of course, the last tip I have about audio books is that you have to choose them carefully. I am still a paper book, feel the pages beneath my fingers, underline a sentence kind of girl at heart, and I do not recommend scribbling notes in journals while driving. When it comes to audio books, choose stories you want to read but don’t want to study. Choose books that will make your commute a pleasurable experience but which will not engross you so much that you zone out and end up twenty miles past your destination. There are books that can do that to you, trust me.

Is It Written in the Stars? Or Maybe on a Popsicle Stick?

theanswer

This morning I scrolled through Facebook’s conga line of cupcakes, roses, chocolate-covered strawberries, love letters, and jewelry. My favorite post was from a friend from junior high. She and her husband gave each other the same singing lemur card. ?! Seriously, that is true love. I hope everyone had a nice day today, regardless of his or her feelings about candy hearts and sonnets. Personally, my husband and I don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day because—let’s see, how may I put this most cheesily?—because our love has no calendar. Nailed it.

Instead, I chose to spend the day contemplating the future of a different relationship in my life, the one between myself and my unfinished novel.

When it comes to research, I have a plethora of reference materials at my disposal (Dictionary, Thesaurus, Atlas, Writer’s Market, Internet, Magic 8 Ball, Tarot Cards, Fortune-Telling Sticks, Spell Book…) and I use them all equally.

ReferenceShelf

I’ve always loved fortune-telling paraphernalia. My cousin Kelley and I used to enjoy getting advice from the gods of fate so much that we’d make up our own procedures for consulting them. One way was through poetry. We both had a lot of poetry books, which are full of wisdom. One cousin would call the other cousin and say, “I’ve got a question!” The other cousin would collect five poetry books and say, “Ok, pick a number between one and five.” After selecting the book, the page number, and the line of the poem (all sight unseen, of course) we would have our answer… more or less.

Cousin #1 – “Ok, got it. What was your question?”

Cousin #2 – “Is (current crush) going to kiss me tonight?”

Cousin #1 – “Your answer says, ‘All the voyage of their life is bound in shallows and miseries.’”

Cousin #2 – “So… maybe?”

Later we started creating our own fortune-telling devices. Cousin Kelley made cards and a box of cookie-like fortunes, while I made journals and popsicle sticks. No question was safe around these items. Should I have chocolate for lunch?  Who will be my next door neighbor in ten years? What is my dog thinking right now?  Why are there so many balloons on the ceiling at HEB? The truth was out there. Sometimes REALLY out there.

So anyway, today in a bout of super-procrastination unseen in this house for days, I decided to consult ALL of the fortune-telling references at my disposal about the future of my novel and my writing career.

Here’s how it went.

Good News / Bad News

I started with the basics, and pulled a cookie-style fortune out of the box.

fortune
Not a bad start. 🙂

Next came the fortunes-on-a-stick, both store-bought and homemade. They were less encouraging.

fortune sticks
But I wear purple a lot…

Then it was the Magic 8 Ball’s turn, and let me tell you, he was in a GOOD mood today!

  • “Will I finish my novel by June?” It is certain.
  • “Will it be good?” As I see it yes.
  • “Will I get an agent in the next six months?” Outlook good.
  • “Will I make money from my book?” Without a doubt.
  • “Will I become a super-famous YA author someday?”
Magic8Ball
Well, ok then!

Buoyed by the 8 Ball’s positivity, I consulted two different homemade fortune-telling journals that I made a decade apart.

HomemadeJournals

I asked the big orange one to give me its best writing advice and turned to page 96.

Awesome.
Awesome.

I asked the smaller journal what my writing career will be like five years from now and randomly chose page 68.

I chose pasta. Underneath it said, "Keep going."
I chose pasta. Underneath it said, “Keep going.”

Next I checked in with the homemade tarot cards my cousin Kelley gave me. I asked them, “What are three things I need to succeed at writing?”

So I need liberation, a sensitive soul, and a drink. Sounds about right.
So I need liberation, a sensitive soul, and a drink. Sounds about right.

Last, but certainly not least, I did a tarot reading with my deck of Halloween Tarot cards. These cards are the real thing. I can always count on them to tell me the truth, whether it’s what I want to hear or not. There’s also a good story about how I aquired them. You can read about it here. (And, if you keep reading further down that page to the note from February 10, 2010, you’ll also learn why I chose not to consult the “Black Cat Fortune-Telling Game” that cousin Kelley gave me for my birthday a few years ago. That one is MEAN.)

The Halloween Tarot, though, is not mean. It’s honest. And it did not disappoint.

HalloweenTarot

I won’t bore you with the details of the full tarot reading. Some of it is personal anyway. The gist is that I’m on the right track. My goal is clear and I know the risks. Other people may not fully understand what I’m doing or why, but that’s ok, because writing is an individual journey and one that is sometimes hard to define. All I know right now is that I’m happy, and I think my novel and I have a future together.

Heart

[ To purchase one of my homemade fortune-telling devices, visit my Etsy store, Pumpkins & Poetry.]

The Greatest Gifts, Part 3

If you’ve been following my blog this week, you know that I’ve been writing about gifts I’ve received from students, everything from Starbucks cards and candle holders to homemade pencil sharpeners and bacon. (If you haven’t been following along, feel free to start here and catch up. It won’t take long.)

Today’s post is the final installment of The Greatest Gifts, and this last one is a little different.

Image from http://umojauniversity.blog.com/
Image from http://umojauniversity.blog.com/

In my third year of teaching, I taught a really sweet boy who we’ll call Colton. He was on the small side for a seventh grader, but he had a lot of personality and a big grin and very light blond hair. He was in my last class of the day.

One day during the second semester, the math teacher on my team came to me after first period. She told me something was going on with Colton. “I’m not sure what it is, but I think it has to do with his hair. The kids are teasing him and he won’t take his sweatshirt hood off.” Hoods were considered hats at our school and were not permitted in the classroom. “I put an end to the teasing,” she said, “but he still wouldn’t take the hood off.” Ms. G, an extremely kind and compassionate teacher, had made an exception for Colton and suggested that the rest of us do the same until we knew what was going on.

By the end of the day, the seventh grade grapevine had supplied me with the story. Over the weekend, Colton had made a movie for a Texas history project in which he played the Mexican general Santa Anna. Going for maximum realism, he had dyed his hair for the role. Unfortunately, poor tow-headed Colton used permanent dye and now his hair (and his scalp and some of his forehead and probably the back of his neck) were black.

That may not sound a like big deal. So he dyed his hair? So what? It was middle school, that’s so what. The stakes are high when you’re thirteen, and anything kids can find to tease you about, they will, especially if it’s something you’re already embarrassed about yourself. To make matters worse, we had recently read The Outsiders in my class, so kids were calling Colton “Johnny Cade” and telling him to “Stay gold.” (Again, these are not insults in themselves, but any words can become weapons when wielded by the right tongues, and that day Colton was an easy target.)

When eighth period rolled around, Colton’s hood was still up. I couldn’t see his hair, but underneath the bulky black sweatshirt I could make out his hunched shoulders and bowed head. He was a withdrawn turtle huddling inside its shell. I followed Ms. G’s lead. I ignored the hood, put a quick stop to the teasing, and went on with my day.

Except, this was not a normal day. The day Colton came to school with his hood up was the day I came to school with a Grover puppet. Let me explain.

All you need to know is this:

  • A)   I love Grover.
  • B)   I have an awesome Grover puppet that’s older than I am, which I might have stolen from my brother.
  • C)   After teaching and writing, my third career choice would be puppeteering.
  • D)   The Friday before the hoodie incident, I had sort of lost it with one of my other classes when I found out they didn’t know who Grover was. It had gone something like this:  “You mean Gonzo?” No. Grover. He’s a monster that looks like this. (I draw a basic Grover on the board.) “That’s Elmo!” NO. It’s Grover. He’s blue. He talks like this. (I do an impeccable Grover impersonation.) “You mean Cookie Monster?” AAAAAAAAAAA!

It wasn’t pretty. So on Monday, I brought my Grover puppet to school to educate those ignorant kids.

923091_582422678502381_1746122771_n
Selfies with Grover

I didn’t have any sort of “performance” planned or anything. I basically just showed Grover to the class and said, “See? This is Grover. Not Elmo, not Gonzo, not Cookie Monster. GROVER. And, if he were wearing a cape, he’d be Super Grover.” There. Done. Educated.

But it turned out that I sort of liked teaching with a puppet on my hand, so I just went with it. I taught class while Grover looked on, nodding, gasping at my brilliance, and sometimes interjecting. It was the most fun I’ve had since, well, maybe ever. The kids liked it too. So when I say that I ignored Colton’s hood and kept teaching, what I really mean is that I ignored Colton’s hood and kept teaching with a Muppet.

By eighth period, Grover and I had our shtick down. We were a team. Our timing was perfect. We could anticipate each other’s thoughts and finish each other’s sentences. We… wait, this is getting weird, isn’t it? The point is, I was funny. You’re just going to have to trust me on this. My class loved it. All of them. It was one of those rare times where no one was too cool for school, no one was trying to ruin it for everybody else. All eyes were on me and Grover. Everyone was smiling.

Even Colton.

It happened about halfway through class. Colton sat up straight. He looked around the room. He saw that all of his classmates were focused on me, no eyes were on him. He looked at me, grinned a small grin, and took off his hood.

I smiled at him, but kept right on teaching. (Grover, on the other hand, might have gotten the tiniest bit choked up.)

Eventually, the other students noticed what had happened. There was a second small burst of teasing and pointing, quickly quelled. And then we talked about it. I asked, Colton told, I sympathized. And then Colton did what he needed to do to survive this middle school trauma. He laughed at himself. I’m pretty sure Grover laughed too.

That moment was a gift. It had some magic in it. The day Colton took off his hood in my class will always be one of my favorite days. Not just one of my favorite days as a teacher, but one of my favorite days ever.

NotesTeacherGift1

Now that we’re at the end, you may think I’ve cheated a bit. After all, in the post that started this whole thing, I said that inspiring students and making a difference were all well and good but it was the “actual” gifts that I liked. Then I went and wrote about this intangible gift, told you this warm fuzzy of a story.

But I stand by my original comments because opening minds and imparting knowledge are all just part of the job. Seeing a child’s face light up with understanding may not happen as often as we’d like, but it is what we expect. The feeling when it happens is as much relief as reward.

For me, it is the unexpected gifts that mean the most, the things students choose to give us all on their own—the smiles, the stories, the encouragement when we’re having a bad day. The trust. It’s the pieces of their lives that they place in our hands that we treasure forever.

George E. Frasier said, “No one should teach who is not a bit awed by the profession.” I’m still in awe of teaching. Some days I’m awed by the fact that I did it for so long, and some days I’m awed that I’m not doing it still. I’m awed by every gift—tangible and intangible alike—ever given to me by a student. And I’m going to hang on to them all for as long as I can.

 

[To read more stories from my teaching career, check out my Teaching Stories page.]